You can't hide forever
by velli9
Summary: She knew she couldn't hide anymore. She knew she couldn't keep her secret forever. But the thought of her friends and loved one rejecting her because of that killed her in the inside. So she just kept going like that. Until someone found out. Fem!AllenXKanda, brotherly/sisterly Laven Rated T


**Chapter one**

**Hi guys, first, sorry for not updating my other fic. I'm halfway through the next chapter, but school manages to kill my inspiration for the day. I got the idea for this fic in History class, so why not give it a shot? **

**Anyway, I hope you'll like this one, cuz I really wanted to write a Fem!Allen story.**

**Here Allen will be named Allein. It's set after the Ark and the Level 4 incident, but let's say that Link is somewhere in Central with Leverrier so those guys won't bother us. **** I want to tell you that it won't follow the plot of the manga, so there are no new Noahs, no 14'Th awakening, no Timothy or Alma Karma. **

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own DGM.**

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3'rd person POV

Allein entered her room and closed it with a soft 'click'. She leaned against her door and sighed. Another day has passed, another day she lied to her friends. The act tired her – both mentally and physically. She woke up early everyday just to have time to put her mid-back length snowy white hair in a wig and tape down her chest to make it flat-looking. It was a hard job for her to do every morning – her chest was bigger than Lenalee's. She was careful every second to not speak with her real voice, because that would surely give her away.

Her heart and soul suffered as well. It hurt her to lie to everyone she knew, especially to her friends and loved one. It hurt her so hear them address her as Allen and not Allein, to think that she was a boy. She greatly loved her friends and wanted to protect them with the cost of her own life. She knew they would save her if she was in trouble, but couldn't even imagine their reactions if they found out. Her mind almost though of the worst scenarios, especially when everyone though that she had a Noah inside of her. They had a reason to distance themselves even without knowing her biggest secret. She was sure that if they knew, they would abandon her, leaving her all alone.

She was scared of that thought. She hated being alone. It reminded her of the time before she met Mana.

What terrified her the most was the thought of Kanda finding out. He already hated her, so what would he do if he knew? Allein realized that she loved him in the Ark. She felt devastated when she thought that he died and extremely relieved when she saw him in the screen in the Fourteenth's room. She cared for him since the beginning – she treated his wounds on their mission in Martel as well as she could, and when her arm turned to normal Kanda saved her from the akuma even though he said he would leave her to die.

Allein knew that it's bound for someone to find out, sooner or later. But her doubts didn't let her tell someone. She just kept walking forward. She just kept going like that - for hers and her friend's sake.

Allein didn't notice when she had started crying. Even through her teary gaze she saw the cracks on the dark walls when she looked at them. She sighted again and weakly tried to dry her tears with her sleeve as she walked towards her bed.

Once she was calm enough, she took off her wig and let her snowy hair fall to her mid-back. She took off her clothes and unwrapped her chest bindings so she could breath freely now. Under the bindings she was left only in her sports-bra. She put on shorts and laid on the bed. She didn't feel the need to cover up. It was the middle of May after all.

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Lavi walked fast trough the halls of the Black order. He didn't see Allen when he had breakfast, which was extremely weird. Lavi didn't find him in the training hall or the Science division. So the last option was Allen's room.

Lavi soon reached his destination and he being his usual hyper self opened the door with a 'SLAM!' and yelled "Rise and shine, Allen!" and threw his arms in the air.

Allein slowly started to wake up. "Hmmm…? Lavi?" she said, way too sleepy to correct her voice. She got up from her bed and sat on the edge. As she looked at Lavi, she saw that he had a blush on his face, one hand over his nose and one formed in a cup shape under his chin in a futile attempt to not let blood drip on the floor. His emerald eye was fixed on her chest. Allein looked down, seeing that she didn't have any bindings on. Then it hit her like a piano falling from the sky.

'_Oh, shit, shit, shit…'_ she though as she rushed to close the door. Once she did it, she guided Lavi to the bed and made him lay down, not caring for the now blood soaked covers of the bed. She gave him some handkerchiefs, so after about 5 minutes Lavi managed to stop his nosebleed, but a slight blush stayed on his face.

During that time, Allein put on a T-shirt and tried to prepare herself for the storm she thought was coming.

"Is… Is Allen your real name?" Lavi asked. The teenage girl was surprised, but answered nevertheless. "No… My real name is Allein. I chose 'Allen' for my cover name because was the closest to the one Mana gave me." "Why did you hide your gender?" was the next question. "In the circus the men were free to do whatever they wanted. I was beaten up by a man named Cosimo, but it was better than what he would do if he knew that I was a girl. I tried to hide from Cross too, because soon after he took me as an apprentice I understood that he was a womanizer. He found out, I don't know how, but he had never tried to do anything and kept my secret. It's good to know that he has a good side too. Eventually, after years of hiding my gender it kinda became a habit, but it still hurts to lie to you guys. Just, I wonder why do you took this so easily."

"Heh, I'm not Bookman Jr for nothing. I had my suspicions. But…"he said, slightly reluctant and embarrassed about what he was about to ask"… How did you manage to make your um, chest so flat?" Lavi asked as his cheeks turned a rosy color. Allein almost laughed at his expression. "Just bandages and a tight T-shirt. Any more questions?" "Do you wanna hang out in town today? It's not a date, but I wanna see you as 'Allein' and not 'Allen'." The white-haired girl smiled warmly at him. "Sure, why not? Now, please, can you get out so I can dress and go to eat? I'm starving!"

"Sure, Moyashi-chan!" he said and ruffled her hair. Instead of her usual reaction and going on a rant how she wasn't small, she just closed her eyes and put a kind, yet extremely scary smile **(1)**. "I would prefer for you to stop addressing me as a plant" she slightly opened her eyes "Understood?"

"Eep!"Lavi squeaked, his imaginary bunny ears straight as an arrow on his head "Allein, you scare me when you look at me like that!" he half-said half-yelled as he opened the door and fled from the girl's room as the terrified rabbit he was.

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Allein smiled as she quietly closed the door. It was nice to know that the one who discovered her secret didn't pull away and accepted her the way she was. Now she just had to make him promise not to tell anyone about her.

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**If you guys have watched Bleach you have a pretty good idea for what I'm talking about. If you have not, it's Captain Unohana's.**

**So, I hope you liked the first chapter! I'm gonna update one of my stories as soon as I can! Depends on which chapter I finish first. **

**So, please, leave a review!**

**Velli9 is out!**


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